COPING WITH NOT FEELING SO MERRY AND BRIGHT DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON
The holidays are upon us, and while this time of year evokes images of festive cheer and cozy gatherings, the reality can be quite different. Many people struggle with feelings of sadness, anxiety, or even grief during the holidays. Whether you're grappling with the pressure to find the perfect gift, navigating complicated family dynamics, coping with loss, feeling less cozy and more blah, or simply feeling overwhelmed by the season's demands, this blog post offers strategies to help you prioritize your well-being and create a holiday season that truly nourishes your soul.
We'll explore ways to cultivate joy, manage stress, embrace self-care, and find meaning amidst the hustle and bustle. So grab a cup of hot cocoa, settle into your favorite cozy spot, and let's explore how to bring more joy to your world, even if you're not feeling particularly merry and bright.
Unmask the holiday blues:
Before diving into solutions, take a moment to understand the root of your low spirits. Are you grieving a loss, reeling from a challenging year, or dreading family interactions? Perhaps financial worries are casting a shadow, or maybe you're feeling the pressure to live up to unrealistic holiday expectations. Identifying the source of your discontent or stress will guide you towards the most effective coping strategies and help you reclaim the joy of the season.
Give yourself a cup of holiday cheer:
If want to connect with the “joy” of the holidays, try immersing yourself in festive sights and sounds. Watch classic holiday movies, read festive books, reminisce about positive holiday childhood memories, eat your favorite holiday foods, or connect to heartwarming traditions that have been long forgotten. Take a drive to admire the twinkling holiday lights in your neighborhood or consider decorating your own space to create a more festive atmosphere and provide some variety.
Engage in winter activities such as sledding, skiing, parades, snowball fights, or if you live in a warmer climate like Florida, finding the joy in just hanging out comfortably outdoors. Consider keeping your holiday blow ups inflated all day long as looking at deflated Santas on the ground may be getting you down.
Reconnect with the holiday magic or create your own. If warm holiday memories exist, allow yourself to revisit those cherished traditions and experiences. But if the holidays haven't always been a source of joy, see this as an opportunity to explore new rituals and create fresh positive associations.
Find the holiday spirit within:
If you are struggling with being interested in the holiday festivities, instead challenge yourself to notice the positives in your life and what’s around you. People tend to be more cheerful and generous during this time of year, and your coworkers might be in a better mood as they anticipate their vacations. You might witness more acts of kindness, volunteering, or charitable giving. Plus, who can resist those delicious holiday cookies and fudge that often just appear in the office?
Focus on gratitude for what you have been given and what you can afford vs. what you don’t have. Lending a hand to those in need can foster a profound sense of humility and gratitude. By sharing your time and resources with others, you gain a renewed appreciation for the blessings in your own life. Appreciating the small things can make us feel like we have more rather than less, and even being able to afford that Charlie Brown Christmas tree is worth something.
Celebrate good times, come on!:
Don't forget about the tangible perks that come with the holiday season. Holiday parties offer a chance to socialize and celebrate with friends and colleagues. Holiday bonuses can provide a welcome financial boost, and exchanging gifts with loved ones can be a heartwarming experience. Helping others whether through volunteering, offering to make a holiday dish, or offering to do cleanup after your holiday dinner can tap into powerful feelings of contribution and purpose, leaving you with a warm glow that lasts far beyond the season.
Most importantly, remember that you survived another year, and that's a huge accomplishment in itself! Take a mindful moment to acknowledge your resilience and celebrate all that you've overcome. The best present you give yourself may be appreciating the present.
You’re not a Grinch if you don’t celebrate:
The magic of the holiday season doesn't always hinge on parties and presents. Even if you don't find yourself drawn to the typical festivities, there are still plenty of ways to savor this special time of year. Embrace the slower pace, the opportunity for reflection, and the chance to connect with nature's winter beauty. Find joy in cozy evenings, participate in things that warm your heart such as hot drinks and a warm fire, and perhaps even snuggle up in a cozy heated blanket. Try enjoying the seasonal changes of colorful leaves, sparkly icicles, or the newest blockbuster movie that came out for the holiday season.
The holidays can be a time of connection, personal renewal, and inner peace, regardless of how you choose to celebrate. You don't need to have your heart grow three sizes bigger to feel cheer this holiday season. Simple gestures of thoughtfulness and positivity can create ripples of happiness for both you and those around you.
Dealing with darker days:
Combating darker winter days might require a bit of extra effort especially if you find yourself having difficulty managing your mood. If the shorter, colder days are bringing you down, you're not alone. Many people experience Seasonal Affective Disorder, a type of depression related to seasonal changes. While simple lifestyle adjustments can help, don't hesitate to talk to your doctor or therapist if you're struggling. Medication and therapy can be effective tools to manage SAD and brighten your winter.
Other things you can try for a mood boost include using a sunlamp to mimic natural sunlight, or if it's safe for you, a tanning bed in moderation. Even if it's chilly, force yourself to bundle up and get outside, even a short walk can do wonders. A little bit of cold can actually be beneficial for reducing inflammation and boosting your immune system. And don't underestimate the power of light indoors: turn up the lamps and open the curtains to let in as much natural light as possible.
Let the light in.
Dress up your way to a brighter mood:
Sometimes, a simple shift in your presentation can make a big difference in your mood. If you tend towards darker colors in your wardrobe, consider adding some brighter hues and maybe avoid that "goth" look that might inadvertently be contributing to a gloomier outlook. Try embracing warm, cozy clothes for comfort, or if you find yourself feeling too comfortable and unmotivated, try dressing up a bit.
How we present ourselves outwardly can have a surprising impact on how we feel inwardly. So, consider bringing your inner silly out by wearing that ugly sweater for a mood boost rather than just for the holiday parties.
Honor your losses:
If you're experiencing any kind of loss this holiday season whether it's the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, or even a sense of normalcy, it's perfectly natural to feel less than cheerful. Give yourself permission to grieve, heal, and prioritize your well-being, rather than forcing yourself to feel joyful. It's okay to be in survival mode; focus on self-care and taking things one day at a time. Healing can take time, often several holidays, for new traditions to form and for the pain to lessen, even if it never fully disappears.
If you lost a loved one, consider finding ways to incorporate your loved one into your celebrations. Hang a stocking in their memory, make their favorite dish, reminisce about fun times you had together, or watch their favorite holiday movie. Whatever your loss, tell your support system what it is you need to feel supported during this time, even if that means more space. Allow yourself to grieve and heal at your own pace.
When you don’t want to be in “Whoville” and want to focus on “Meville”:
When the holiday spirit feels elusive, sometimes the best approach is a healthy dose of distraction. Shift your focus to something productive and fulfilling. Start planning and prepping for your New Year's goals, or finally tackle those projects you've been putting off. Engaging in activities that give you a sense of accomplishment and purpose can be a wonderful way to navigate the holidays without feeling pressured to force merriment.
Amidst the holiday hustle and bustle, remember that you deserve time to recharge, reflect, relax, play, focus on your hobbies, and prioritize your own well-being. A little bit of “me” doesn’t make you a Scrooge during the holidays.
Managing the stress of the holidays:
Worry, anxiety, and dread can be a characteristic of the holidays when it comes to finding the right gift or dealing with family dynamics. The pressure to create a picture-perfect holiday experience often clashes with the reality of strained relationships, financial constraints, and the inevitable stress of bringing different personalities together. It's important to remember that things don’t need to be perfect to be wonderful and you can choose what will bring you the most joy.
If you find yourself people pleasing or obsessing about how things "should" be you may miss out on the meaning, joy, relaxation, and fun of the holidays. Maybe you can try being a little more Buddy the Elf (from Elf movie) and enjoy wherever you are and whatever you are doing. Reconnect with why you are celebrating the holidays and if you have lost your way it may be time to get your holiday train back on track.
Redefine Joy:
Lastly, redefine what joy and happiness look like during the season, and perhaps in your life. Consider watching: There’s More to Life Than Being Happy, Ted Talk (link below). This video explores the difference between happiness and meaning in life. While happiness is often fleeting, finding meaning in our lives provides a deeper sense of purpose and fulfillment. Research shows that meaning is linked to greater resilience, better performance, and even longevity. The speaker identifies four pillars of a meaningful life: belonging, purpose, transcendence, and storytelling. By cultivating these pillars, we can create a life that is not only happy but also rich in purpose and connection.
Remember that during the holiday season, joy comes in many forms. Whether you're embracing festive traditions, finding solace in quiet moments, or prioritizing self-care and personal growth, there's no right or wrong way to experience the holidays. Be kind to yourself, honor your emotions, and create a holiday season that truly reflects your needs and values. Consider how you can be more Santa, “Ha, Ha, Ha,” and a little less Scrooge, “Bah Hum Bug.” And may your days be filled with peace, meaning, and whatever brings your heart joy.